It’s Really OK Not To Be OK

Confession time: I was feeling a little blue a few weeks back. It all started when I had an allergy reaction to a new product I was using for my hair, which by the way, seemed to be thinning out, making me sad. Then I had a toothache that lasted an entire week – I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat. At the same time, I received some bad news so triple whammy there. As if this wasn’t enough, I got a call from a close friend telling me about her recent medical scare, which sounded too close to home.

Anxiety started flooding my mind. I worried about that friend. I worried about myself. I was sad mostly, because it seemed like everything was going wrong. My birthday had just passed too and I was feeling mostly unaccomplished.

I shared some of my feelings with friends who were kind enough to listen to my anxieties. I was mostly met by pep talks and positive affirmations – “Don’t worry, everything will be alright soon”, “Focus on the good things in your life!”, “At least it’s not you so be grateful”.

Then a friend said this to me: “You know what, it’s really OK not to be OK. After all, you are feeling down and if you want to stay in that dark place for a while, that’s fine too. Anything that helps you deal with your worries now.”

Now that really made a difference to me. When I heard it, I felt like finally, someone who acknowledged how I was feeling in that moment and didn’t feel the need to try and pull me out of despair! More importantly, someone who acknowledged my emotions and didn’t pretend that everything will be OK.

Because here’s the deal – even if things will be OK eventually, the journey to get there can be tiring, emotional, and sad. But if I tried suppressing all these sad emotions, I’m not doing any justice to myself. Why? Because I am just sweeping my emotions under the blanket of positivity, pretending and hoping that soon, this too shall pass.

Experts call this toxic positivity (read more about it here and here!). You and I? We call it having a hard time. And let’s be honest, there are going to be days in your life when you’re not OK. Where no matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to find the positive or good around you.

What you need to know is that having days like this doesn’t mean that you’re failing big time or all is doom and gloom. It simply means you’re human! The reality is that as humans, we go through a range of emotions, even negative ones. We all struggle once in a while. And it’s important to let yourself go through the motions during these not-so-ok days. It’s more important to embrace not feeling OK than to try and run away from these difficult emotions where what you’re doing is essentially suppressing, ignoring and even denying your emotions.

Many times, we often feel like others will judge us when we are not OK, that we have to put up a front of feeling all fine and dandy. You know what you should do instead? Give yourself some space and time to deal with it. Here’s how:

#1 Be kind to yourself
Don’t beat yourself up over having down days. The first step to moving past not feeling OK is to let yourself embrace all your difficult emotions without feeling inadequate. Need to cry? Go ahead – it’s therapeutic! Want to feel extra special when nothing’s going your way? Give yourself a treat like a massage or a coffee-and-cake date with yourself. Self-care to the rescue!

#2 Know that this is something you have to go through
You may wonder if all that worry or concern is necessary. Well, most of the time they are, as times like this help build resilience. It even teaches you a lesson or two. If you plan to coast through life without acknowledging your emotions, especially the bad ones, you’re merely doing it with both eyes closed. If anything, when you come out of your non-OK days, you come out stronger.

#3 Do something – anything! – that makes you happy
Treat yourself to the things you love. Watch your happy shows on repeat. Listen to music that makes you dance. Sip tea and watch the rain. Find out what brings you joy and do them. It’s important to know that when you’re sad, you have things you can turn to for comfort.

#4 Slow down
Sometimes, the best way to deal with not feeling OK is to not do anything but slow down. Forget trying to do it all – you’re just putting yourself up for even more stress and anxiety burning yourself out. Instead, pencil in time to do absolutely nothing. Give yourself time to acknowledge your emotions and breathe…

#5 You’re not alone!
It’s easy to fall into the trap thinking that everyone else has it together, except you. Well, if that’s the impression you get from social media – remember, it’s all filters, selective images, edited, curated, and basically not real! It’s easier to post happy things on social media like a fun day out rather than say things like “Urgh, I wished I had more money to buy the things I want”. But know this: Everyone is struggling; they just don’t show it. So don’t feel the need to compare yourself to others.

Photo by Surface on Unsplash.